My heart is not mine to command!

Time passes by. Hours, days, minutes. Slowly slip away…

My head held high. My tears and sore eyes are replaced by smiles and laughter. Because I’m positive about life. About what’s to come.

But nobody sees my heart. Nobody sees what it holds.

I cannot control my heart’s beatings. I cannot decide who it’s beating for. My heart is not mine to command.

You craved my heart, and I let you. I gave it to you. For you to hold. For you to love. To take care of. To protect.

I gave my heart. I gave myself completely. To you.

And you held my heart for a while. Showed it how to feel. Showed it how to love. My heart found a reason to beat.

Then you threw it away. You let go of it. Forgot how you once craved for it. My heart got crushed. It fell apart. I was not ready to take back what was given to you. But you let it go.

I tried to save the pieces. I tried to put my heart back together again. I tried to stop it from bleeding.

My crushed heart was still beating. But my heart was hurt. The scars was showing, and they ran deep. Still, my heart remembered how it felt to love.  My heart wanted to go where you didn’t follow. My heart still craved yours.

I had to walk the path I chose. I had to go towards the sunlight. I couldn’t stay in my dark and painful mind. But you weren’t ready to follow. You walked a different path. And you left my heart to bleed.

As I walk down my new path of life, I walk alone. I walk with no heart. Because you walked in a different direction. And my heart was left behind. My heart was left where our paths parted. And I cannot take it back. My heart is still not mine to command.

But I know my path is the one right for me. Even though my heart is left behind. I’ll find my heart again. Maybe you’ll give it back. Maybe you’ll care for it again. Either way, I’ll find my heart again. When it’s healed. And then my heart,  will beat harder and stronger than ever before!

knust hjerte

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